


bone by bone

by VenusOurania



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Brunnhilde | Valkyrie is a Good Bro (Marvel), Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Mind Control, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Implied/Referenced Torture, Loki (Marvel) Has Issues, Loki (Marvel) Needs a Hug, Loki is a Good Bro (Marvel), Nightmares, Not Thor: Ragnarok (2017) Mid-Credits Scene Compliant, One Shot, Podfic Welcome, Post-Thor: Ragnarok (2017), Thor (Marvel) is a Good Bro
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-15
Updated: 2020-10-15
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:34:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,755
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27027415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VenusOurania/pseuds/VenusOurania
Summary: Hela may have been defeated, but other dangers lurked on the horizon. And sometimes, at the edges of your own mind. Tensions are running high aboard the Statesman as Loki tries to deal with past traumas and a newly crowned Thor.
Relationships: Brunnhilde | Valkyrie & Loki (Marvel), Loki & Thor (Marvel)
Comments: 23
Kudos: 129





	bone by bone

**Author's Note:**

> JUST A WARNING there is also some vaguely implied dubious/non con. Along with an explicitly referenced suicide attempt.

_ “do i still taste of war? _

_ can you still feel the battles on my skin  _

_ stitched across my back _

_ am i still rebuilding  _

_ bone by fragile bone?” _

_ \- what does forgiveness taste like? _

_ *** _

Loki curled his fingers on the sheets under him, breathing deeply into lungs that refused to expand. He wasn’t sure he  _ hadn’t  _ woken up screaming. But he knew his silencing enchantments must have held. Or Thor would have woken up by now. 

Squeezing his eyes shut, he tried counting his breaths to drive out the images from his mind. Just the void, nothing more. He wanted to burst into laughter. Nothing more. It was always more, so much more. 

The Void was everything and nothing at once. And space looked so much like it. The void and space were different things, though, Loki told himself firmly. Feebly. The breaking of the bifrost had opened a rip through space, into the void, he didn’t know. What he did know was that he’d rather die than experience it again. 

He’d been expecting to die. 

The second time it happened, he’d been so sure he would go insane, that he couldn’t take it, and was about to use the last vestiges of his vits to try and slit his own throat with a conjured knife while still  _ falling _ when he landed on Sakaar. 

The ship was big and stable enough that he couldn’t feel it drifting through space towards Earth. He still questioned the intelligence of the plan, but there wasn’t much he could do in front of Thor’s stubbornness. Especially now that he was King. 

Breathing a little easier now, Loki glanced around the room, to Thor’s sleeping form sprawled over the bed, his missing eye just a mangled scar now. The room wasn’t big by any means, but it was probably one of the biggest in the Statesman. The best for royalty, he mused. And Thor and him were the only royalty left. Loki’s throat constricted. Four years were still not enough for him to get over Frigga’s death, and then Odin had died too. And then, their sister. 

Asgard’s royalty, reduced to Thor and an imposter in Aesir skin. 

Easing his fingers around the bedsheet, he sat up, his breaths were still laboured, but he could manage. Swinging his legs off, he wondered if he should go for a walk around the ship. Most people would probably be sleeping right now. There was no way to gauge day from night when one was drifting through space, but everyone on the ship had settled on a more or less basic schedule. 

Heimdall might be up, though, and Loki was too tired to deal with his too knowing gaze and lingering looks. And the Valkyrie had a nasty habit of catching him unawares at odd timings. 

Letting out a sigh, Loki let his head fall back against the wall with a muffled thump, his hands falling limp in his lap. At least they weren’t trembling. That happened, sometimes, when he woke up from nightmares. And he _ loathed _ it. Loathed feeling so weak and pathetic over some nightmares. 

Sighing again, this time a little more forcefully, Loki closed his eyes and tried to meditate. But he wasn’t on Asgard right now. He wasn’t on any of the Nine Realms right now, and he couldn’t connect with the energies of the Yggdrasil like usual and it stung and felt so wrong. So he gave it up without a second thought. 

He watched Thor breathe, instead. Those first few weeks in Sakaar had been hell. The Grandmaster wasn’t even the worst part of it, although, Loki shuddered, he certainly hadn’t made anything better. 

Believing that Thor was dead, however, had been a clawing, screeching presence in his mind. Almost as bad as having the Other in his head. 

_ No, not as bad _ , Loki thought, suppressing another full body shudder, nothing could ever be as bad. 

Loki flinched, startled, when Thor huffed in his sleep. Cursing himself, Loki scowled, he needed to stop being so skittish, someone was bound to notice sooner or later.

Pulling up his legs and crossing them loosely, Loki forced himself to relax further.

He either needed to be productive, or he needed to sleep so he would be  _ able _ to be productive the next day. He couldn’t afford to be not. 

He couldn’t sleep. 

Huffing in annoyance, he got up and cast an invisibility spell over himself and stepped out of their cramped quarters, well aware that this couldn’t go on. That he needed to sleep more than a few hours every night. That he couldn’t keep running on pure will power and adrenalin, or the seemingly endless supply of gaudy drinks that the ship seemed to have stockfulls of. 

Walking through the ship still felt surreal to him. 

This was what was left of Asgard. The Realm Eternal. One thousand forty seven Asgardians, a King, a Prince, and a Valkyrie. And now perhaps twenty eight former slaves. Talk about a motley group.

His legs dragged on the ground a little, but he muffled any sound he might have been making with another spell. 

Mistakes, mistakes. This was too much of a drain on his already depleted seidr. Not that he’d ever admit it. But he was familiar with exhaustion, and could go another few days like this, if he wanted.

He probably would. And then some. 

“Loki.” 

Loki whirled around, badly startled and with a pathetically small dagger in his hands before pausing and quickly vanishing the dagger, if not his scowl.

Heimdall watched him, his lips twitching. 

Then Loki frowned, was his magic already failing him? But he’d- ah. 

“All of your other spells are immaculate, my prince, except that you forgot the one which hides you from my Sight.” 

Letting out a sigh, he dropped his invisibility and silence spells too, “Heimdall.”

“I believe you should be asleep?” 

“Shouldn’t you?” Loki shot back. 

“I couldn’t,” he said bluntly, and Loki blinked, taken aback. 

“You… couldn’t.” 

Heimdall nodded, turning towards the large glass window that Loki had been studiously avoiding. Loki focuses on Heimdall instead of the darkness stretching out in front of them. 

“I have seen many things in my life. Even the fall of a great kingdom isn’t a new tragedy to witness for me, but Asgard’s destruction… It haunts me.” 

Loki stared a little uneasily at the honest admission, looking for the proper response. Was he supposed to be comforting Heimdall? Asgard’s destruction had cut deep into everyone. And sometimes Loki still couldn’t believe that it was no more. Not the physical plain, at least. 

_ Asgard is a people, not place.  _

“It was our home,” he settled on, finally. 

Heimdall nodded solemnly, his hands clasped in front of him. Loki finally turned towards the window, steeling himself as he looked into the darkness stretching before them. He felt a small prickle of dread settle in his stomach, but tried to focus on the stars. Pin pricks of light which hadn’t been visible during his hurtle through the void. 

He realised with a jolt that Heimdall was watching him intently, a slight frown on his face. Squashing down the urge to snap at him, he forced himself to remain impassive and not let his unease show. 

“It was,” Heimdall said after a moment, and it took Loki a split second to figure out what he was referring to, “But this _is_ our home now.” 

There was something in his voice, soft, that Loki couldn’t quite place, but he inclined his head all the same. 

***

There was something wrong with Loki. Thor knew it, could actually, literally feel it. Ever since his fight with Hela and the destruction of Mjolnir, Thor had been more sensitive to seidr energies. Not much, and certainly not on the level his mother had been or Loki, but… the change was noticeable. 

And Loki was not _ right.  _

Thor couldn’t figure out what was wrong, though, and it irked him to no end. He was his big brother, he was supposed to take care of him. And Loki had been so withdrawn. Not that they’d been particularly close to each other ever since… Not since Jotunhiem. But he’d thought that ‘open communication’ would be a problem which they would start to solve once on calmer waters. 

And what better time than now? Through their seemingly endless voyage through space, with little else to do but ration, and stock, and reassure? They couldn’t really do anything substantial until they actually reached Earth. 

But it almost felt like Loki was avoiding him. Not enough for him to be able to voice those thoughts, but enough to put Thor off. And that was an impressive feat, considering they both slept in the same room. 

He didn’t want to make the same mistakes again. He didn’t want to neglect his brother. 

Thor managed to catch Loki slinking out of the makeshift ‘mess hall’ they’d made of their ‘throne room’ in absence of larger rooms, and knew that he hadn’t eaten. Another problem, Thor didn’t think he had seen Loki eating more than twice or thrice since aboarding the Statesman. And he knew for a fact that magic took up energy. And Loki had been doing a lot of that. 

He caught up with him at the narrow hallway, and Thor reached out a hand to Loki’s shoulder, making him tense. Thor considered pulling away, but let his hand linger. Loki would shrug him off if he was truly uncomfortable. 

“Stop avoiding me.” 

“Who said I’m avoiding you? You’ve got enough people vying for your attention, do you want me to hoard you too? Why would I be avoiding you?” Loki rattled off sourly, expression pinched. 

That was true, being King was more exhausting than he’d thought. There were complaints and requests everyday. A cargo ship wasn’t an ideal place for refugees who’d just seen their whole planet destroyed and were grieving. But the way Loki had said it… well, he  _ was _ avoiding him, wasn’t he? 

“You tell me,” Thor said. 

Loki made an impatient noise and pulled away from Thor, crossing his arms in front of himself, “Stop pestering me and pay attention to your duties Thor, you don’t have time for misguided worries.” 

“You’re not eating.” 

“Just because I’m not eating in front of  _ you _ doesn’t mean I’m not eating at all,” Loki sniffed. 

“You’re wearing an illusion.” He was bluffing. He still never really knew when Loki was wearing an illusion or not. But Loki’s mannerisms, stiff body, the way his hands were shaking minutely… it didn’t match his appearance. An illusion could change how you looked, but if he was maintaining one over his body, he won’t be having it act differently than him. That’d be… very draining. 

Perhaps that was what was wrong, Thor realised with a jolt. Perhaps Loki was using too much seidr, maintaining that illusion, not eating (because he knew Loki wasn’t), perhaps not even sleeping. 

Loki faltered, and Thor had a brief ‘aha!’ moment before Loki turned to him, “And why would I do that?” 

“You tell me,” Thor repeated. 

“You can never tell when I’m wearing an illusion. What makes you so sure now?” 

“Maybe losing one eye made me have more perspective,” Thor grinned. Loki rolled his eyes, and turned, stalking away. 

Thor’s smile fell. 

***

The next time Loki woke up from a nightmare, he wasn’t the only one awake. He gasped and pressed himself against the thin mattress, eyes widening until he recognised Thor’s form crouched over him, his remaining eye wide with concern and worry.

“What the hell, Thor,” Loki said, pushing him away, willing himself not to flush. The nightmare still churned unpleasantly in his head, and he grit his teeth against the urge to vomit. 

“You were screaming,” Thor said quietly, not moving away but straightening up a little so that he wasn’t in Loki’s face. 

“ _ What _ ?” Loki asked, his silencing wards had to have held, he couldn’t have let them fall, no matter how exhausted he was, no matter how tightly the dreams had him in their clutches.

“Silently, thrashing,” Thor said, frowning, mouth pressed in a firm line for a second before he continued, “You have wards up, don’t you? Why are you hiding yourself like this?”

When Loki didn’t answer, Thor hesitated, and then added, “I don’t-” he swallowed, “-I don’t want you suffering alone.”

Loki laughed, still feeling mortified at being caught, the sound grated on his own ears, “I’ve  _ always _ suffered alone, Thor.” 

Thor twitched, and Loki watched him carefully. But Thor really had grown up, Loki could no longer read him like he used to. And then he wanted to laugh again, he really couldn’t, could he? Especially after that… that betrayal with the obedience disk. He still didn’t know what to think about it. 

Loki pushed himself up to a sitting position, and resisted the urge to wrap his arms around his knees. Thor took in a deep breath. 

“I… I know, but you don’t have to anymore,” he said, haltingly. 

“How did you even know I was having a nightmare? Why are you even awake?” Loki asked sharply, ignoring Thor’s response. 

“You’re not the only one with nightmares, Loki.” Thor gave him a sad smile, eye solemn. 

Loki sucked in a sharp breath and looked away. Of course. There was probably not a single person on the whole ship without nightmares. He just… never thought about it much. His own always felt so... Bad and vivid that the thought of someone else suffering the way he was felt incomprehensible. 

Well, no one ever said Loki wasn’t selfish and self centred. 

When Loki didn’t respond, Thor asked tentatively, “What was it about?” 

_ Thanos _ , Loki wanted to blurt out,  _ the Mad Titan, and he’s coming, Thor. I don’t know how long I can take this.  _

He stayed quiet though, giving Thor a withering look, “Who said I wanted to discuss it with you?” 

“It helps, though,” Thor said, still in that horribly calm and gentle voice, “For me it was Hela, burning Asgard down while the civilians were still on the streets, laughing as she watched.” Thor shuddered, and Loki closed his eyes, wanting to shut Thor up but also wanting to hear that he wasn’t alone in these terrors, thoughts of what could have been. “She watched and made me watch.” 

Thor lifted a hand and rubbed it along the side of his head, the side with the injured eye. He’d removed the patch for sleeping, and Loki could see the injury in all it’s bloody glory. It didn’t seem to be healing all that well. But he’d never heard Thor complain about it once. 

Loki frowned, curling his hand around Thor’s wrist, “Does it hurt badly?” 

Thor winced, “Nothing I can’t handle.” 

Loki raised his eyebrow, looking at Thor pointedly. He was glad for the change in subject. He’d had similar nightmares of Asgard burning too, and the worst part was that they weren’t speculations or unfounded fears. It was something that had already happened. 

Thor sighed, “It’s not too distracting.” 

Loki sighed and sat up straight, releasing Thor’s wrist and pressing two fingers to Thor’s forehead. “It’s infected.” 

“Oh.” 

“You haven’t been to the healers at all, have you?” Loki asked, thumbing the underside of Thor’s eye, letting out a thin tendril of seidr and feeling for the injury. 

Thor winced, “They’ve got more important patients to deal with.” 

Loki gave him a half hearted glare, “You’re the  _ King _ .” 

“Don’t I know it,” Thor said, closing his eye and relaxing when Loki sent a little numbing magic into the wound before starting to burn out the infection. “You should save your energy for the infirmary.” 

“You don’t tell me what to do,” Loki said, crossing his legs and sitting more comfortably. 

“As a matter of fact, I can,” Thor smirked, and crawled into Loki’s bed, resting his head against the wall, perpendicular to Loki.

Loki rolled his eyes, “Sure, and I follow orders impeccably.” 

Thor snorted, “That’s your problem.” 

“Well,” Loki shrugged, “I can’t make things too easy for you.” 

“Right.” 

Loki removed his hand and Thor hummed, “Better?” 

“Mmhm,” Thor’s eye was still closed and he looked ready to drop off any second. Loki didn’t have the heart to wake him up. He wasn’t the only one exhausted, if the bags under his eyes were any indication. 

Loki considered going over to Thor’s bed for the rest of the night, but then just leaned against the wall, his legs thrown out and over Thor’s, who didn’t even stir. He knew they’d probably both wake up with terrible aches the next morning, but right now Loki knew he could fall asleep to Thor’s light snores this close to him. And perhaps he won’t even have a nightmare. 

***

Loki had always been a light sleeper, and recent events certainly didn’t help. So when he heard a small muffled sound, something close to a whimper, he jolted awake as if shocked. 

For a second he was disoriented, and blinked rapidly to clear his head and look around for the reason he woke up. His eyes landed on Thor and he got out of bed with a jerk, and before he realised it, Loki was crouched beside Thor’s bed. 

Thor was twitching in his sleep, his brows creased and lips parted, occasional noises escaping him. It made Loki’s heart clench. 

He _ knew _ Thor had been having nightmares, he’d said so himself. But knowing and watching were different things. To see that Thor, golden, infallible Thor, was having nightmares, it almost seemed impossible. 

Loki reached out and rested a hand on Thor’s shoulder, only to have him flinch. Loki’s lips thinned and his grip tightened. 

“Thor,” he murmured. 

“No…” Thor moaned, and Loki shook him, perhaps a little too harshly. 

“Wake up, Thor.” 

Thor flinched again and his eye fluttered open, unfocused and panicked. His arm jerked and he nearly took out Loki’s eye as he sat up straight in bed, “Wha- where, what happened?”

Loki leaned back warily, “You’re on the Statesman, Thor. In your room. You were having a nightmare,” he said evenly. 

Thor’s eye landed on Loki and widened, as if he couldn’t believe he was there, “ _ Loki _ ?” 

Loki frowned, “Yes?” 

Thor took in a gasping, heaving breath and lurched forward, nearly sending Loki sprawling on the floor before Thor’s arms wrapped around him. Loki went rigid, stunned. 

What?

“Thor? Thor…?” Loki asked tentatively, making himself relax into the embrace, though he didn’t hug back. 

“You’re alive,” Thor said, his voice thick. 

Loki opened his mouth, slightly gaping, was that what he’d been dreaming about? His heart clenched again, and he slowly brought up an arm to pat Thor on the back awkwardly. He was kneeling on the floor in a- frankly, very uncomfortable position. 

“Thor, get up.” 

Thor sniffled once, but loosened his arms around Loki and pulled back, clambering back on the bed and pulling Loki up with him. Loki might have considered resisting, but the relieved expression on Thor made him compliant. 

“Do you, ah,” Loki cleared his throat, “Want to talk about it?” 

Thor huffed, and his expression closed a little. Loki felt a pang at that. His offer had been sincere.

Loki contemplated getting up and going back to his own bed, but then Thor spoke up, “You were dead, again.” 

Loki sucked in a sharp breath. He’d suspected something similar, given the way Thor had spoken his name upon waking, but it still sent a prickle of unease through him. 

Loki could see Thor’s jaw ticking, and felt himself tense. “I thought you were dead for four years and you passed it off as a joke.” 

Loki made himself scoff, and stood up, turning around and walking to his own bed. Or perhaps out, he didn’t want to be in the same room as Thor.

“ _ How _ could you betray me like that, Loki?” Thor said, his voice loud, and tight, and… not quite angry, but close enough that Loki whirled around, seemingly startling Thor. 

“After you left me to rot on Svartalfheim?” Loki snapped, feeling a familiar ache building up in his sternum, “Very easily, I’d say!” He took in a deep heaving breath, because he could. Could fill his lungs without pain, unlike those first few days, weeks-- 

Loki exhaled loudly and then turned away from Thor’s stunned expression, stalking over to the door, yanking it open and leaving. 

_ Fleeing,  _ his mind whispered.

***

Thor sat there, staring at the door dumbly for what was probably a full ten minutes. 

Rot on Svartalfheim. He’d… never gone to check on Loki after the battle. Father, which he knew now was Loki, had told him he’d been taken care of, and he’d just… returned to Earth. Rot on Svartalfheim. He had been stabbed, then. Really stabbed.

He’d thought, after seeing Loki alive, that it had simply been an illusion. Another one of his tricks, perhaps to get out of his sentence.

Except- Thor knew that Loki's illusions weren't corporeal. And that the Kursed had been real because he'd been about to kill Thor. And if the Kursed had grabbed Loki then that Loki hadn't been an illusion…

And he’d held Loki himself as he’d faded to death, seen the Kursed poison seep through his body, turn him ashen. 

Thor’s head was throbbing, and something tightened around his lungs. He needed to find Loki. Stumbling out of bed, he went out of the room. Loki could cloak himself easily, and it was unlikely that Thor would be able to find him if he didn’t want to be found. 

Still, he couldn’t not try. The ship was mostly silent as he walked through the corridors, walking carefully so as to not run into walls or doors or tip sideways. He still hadn’t gotten used to seeing with just one eye. 

He didn’t have to walk long before he found Loki on one of the lower levels, in a bar. He wondered if Loki wanted to found, considering Loki was an expert in avoiding him for days if he wanted. 

Or maybe Loki was exhausted enough to actually not notice Thor, which was worrying. 

“Loki,” he said. Loki flinched violently, as if Thor had shouted instead instead of speaking softly. It did nothing to assuage his worry. Increased it ten fold, even. Loki didn’t turn around, his grip turned white knuckled on the counter, sparkling green, and Thor knew he had about, perhaps, five seconds before Loki became invisible, or teleported to another part of the ship. He had to act quickly. 

“Loki, I am sorry, I was stupid,” he took a step forward, almost stumbling in his hastiness, “ _ Please _ .”

“Didn’t I  _ betray  _ you, Thor?” Loki asked, his magic still hadn’t receded from his hands. 

“I’d watched you die before, mourned you, and then watched you come back. Then watched you die a second time, for saving my life no less, mourn you, and then come back again? Impersonating our fath--”

“ _ Your _ father.” Loki cut him off abruptly, finally turning around, but at least he didn’ look ready to bolt anymore. 

Thor winced, and he wanted to argue, but he knew it wasn’t a battle he could win. Loki had only just recently begun to call him ‘brother’. Swallowing thickly, he said, “I am sorry.” 

Loki hummed, leaning back against the bar counter, “Are you, now?” 

Thor felt the first stirrings of annoyance at Loki’s apparent apathy; he knew it was a facade, he knew Loki was an expert at hiding his emotions, but Loki could… he could at least try to help Thor out a  _ little _ here! “You were  _ dead _ ! You were, Loki, I checked!” 

“Well, looks like it didn’t stick.” 

Thor folded his arms across his chest, “If you recall, you were the one who told me that ‘Loki’ had been taken care of.” 

Loki tilted his head to the side, smirking a little, and Thor felt slightly uneasy at that, feeling a little like he’d walked into a trap, “I did, didn’t I? I suppose you never wanted to attend the funeral.” 

Thor felt a lump grow in his throat. He’d… never asked about the funeral. 

Loki was still talking, “After all, there are always more important things to do, like Midgard and women.” 

Thor opened his mouth, but he didn’t know what to say, Loki waved him off, and continued speaking. 

"It wasn't planned, Thor. None of what happened in Svartalfheim was planned, except…” He looked thoughtful for a moment, “Of course, I’d also never planned on going back to prison, so… I'd gotten my revenge. But I wasn't going back to a lifetime in the dungeons when the opportunity literally stabbed me through my chest. And then Father fell into Odinsleep." Loki gave a sneer which felt half hearted even to Thor. 

"So, I weaved a spell, a little surface memory spell, and put him in Midgard. You know the rest."

There were protests bubbling up in Thor’s mouth, about putting Odin on Earth, taking the Throne for himself, impersonating their father for four years, those ridiculous plays he’d put up, but the guilt glued his mouth shut. Loki stared at him, his eyes sparking a little with something akin to amusement, as if he knew exactly what Thor was thinking. 

“And if you remember, dear brother, I offered you the throne, which you so honourably refused.” 

Thor burst out at that, “Which you very well knew I would.” 

The amusement died at that, and Loki threw him an irritated look, “How would I have known that? Odin was growing old, weary, Mother was dead, I was dead. How was I to know you’d just abandon Asgard?” Thor flinched. 

“I…” 

“Well?” Loki quirked an eyebrow, the picture of patience, and Thor flushed, ashamed, wanting to close his eye. He didn’t know what to say. He was almost waiting for Loki to vanish. Not only from the floor, but from the ship itself. He hadn’t been a particularly good brother.

Then Loki grinned, so sincerely that Thor knew that it was not, “Tell me, Thor, my dear brother, the one who I so grievously betrayed and wronged,” Loki’s grin seemed to grow wider at Thor’s wince, “Tell me, what do you think your father would have actually done when you came back to Asgard after disobeying him?” 

When Thor remained silent, Loki continued, “Oh, I am sure you might have even gotten off with a little scolding, perhaps some time in the dungeons, or maybe a short banishment. You’re the golden prince, after all. But what about your friends? Do you think he’d have been so lenient towards them?” 

At the mention of Thor’s friends, the bitter amusement faded from Loki’s eyes into something more solemn, but he didn’t stop speaking, “You put too much faith in the All-Father, Thor. It was just our Mother who’d been tempering him for a long while. And after that it was the oncoming death.

“See, Thor,” Loki said, his voice suddenly weary, “That’s your problem, you don’t think, you jump to conclusions, you always think it’s you that’s been wronged. You refuse to consider other perspectives. You’re a king now, that attitude will be your downfall if you don’t reconsider.” 

Thor looked up quickly, wanting to reach out, to clasp Loki, maybe hug him, to apologise, to mend, to do something. He hadn’t even started processing everything yet. But Loki was gone. 

He hoped he was still on the ship. 

_ *** _

The next jump was about two weeks of journey away, if they kept up the speed they were at right now. Which was all this rickety ship could handle. It had looked grand at first glance, and sure, it served the purpose. But to house an entire planet of refugees? They could have definitely done a lot better. 

Thor glanced towards Loki, who was looking at some holographic blueprints of the lower engines with Bruce. His focused eyes were fixated on some parts, explaining to Banner about some of the alien parts. Thor was sure he’d be able to use one of his seven PhDs to fix it. 

“Some people are fighting about housing, tempers are running high,” Valkyrie commented when Hiemdall stopped explaining the fuel requirements. 

Thor sighed. “We don’t have a bigger ship, we can’t just give them more space. They’ll have to adjust somehow.” Thor couldn’t stop himself from throwing another meaningful glance at Loki, this time catching his eye. 

Loki froze. Bruce sent an uncertain look between Thor and Loki. 

“And I was to bring a bigger, better ship while time was running out?” Loki said slowly, cocking his head to the side, eyes narrowing, “I was to think about how to pick the best ship while writhing on the floor, getting electrocuted?” 

“It wouldn’t have come to that if you hadn’t tried to betray me!” Thor burst out indignantly, covering up any guilt he might have felt about leaving Loki like that. 

“Betray you, of course,” Loki nodded, and his voice sent a chill down Thor’s spine, “Going on a hair brained mission to ‘save’ Asgard, on a small ship on which the Grandmaster conducted his orgies, with nothing but you, a Valkyrie, and the Hulk. With no intel on the enemy. No escape plan. No plan at all. Of course I tried to  _ stop you, you buffoon _ !”

Loki’s calm act had all but disappeared now, and his eyes were blazing as he stared down at Thor, “There was absolutely no guarantee that Korg would have found me and switched off the disk at all, and I could have just left you to your own devices. And instead of thanking me, you have the  _ nerve _ to  _ condescend _ me about my choice of ship?” 

Thor almost took a step back at the vehemence in Loki’s voice, but as soon as he tried to open his mouth to speak, Loki cut him off, “Save it, Thor. You never learn, do you?” Sneering in disgust, he whirled around and left the room. And if the automatic sliding doors had the ability, Thor was sure they would have slammed shut in his wake. 

He looked helplessly back at the others in the room, but Banner actually looked a little startled, bordering on horrified, while the Valkyrie seemed to have been expecting it. Heimdall was as impassive as ever. Thor didn’t know why he expected anything different. 

_ *** _

Loki tightened his fingers on the glass, watching the dark liquid swirl inside. The liquid drops of condensation slowly slid down. Alcohol shouldn’t really be hard to find in one of the Grandmaster's ships, but if you were on a ship with the Valkyrie, then Loki supposed it was only to be expected that Loki would be on his last hoarded bottle. 

He startled only a little when the glass shattered in his grip. Mouth tightening, he vanished the shards away. Absently, he wiped away the specks of blood budding on his palm where the glass had pierced it. 

Who did Thor think he was? Oh, Loki knew the answer to that very well. He’s known that answer for decades now. Just because Thor had the cognitive ability of a bilgesnipe didn’t mean everyone did, but he saw everything through a very specific, lopsided, distorted set of glasses. 

He really should stop drinking.

Or go looking for another bottle, since he spilled the last of this one. 

There was a loud banging on the door, and Loki almost groaned out loud. He really did not want to deal with Thor right now. He didn’t even know how long it had been since he stormed out of their makeshift ‘council room’. 

And he should at the very least get back to Dr. Banner, those engines really need to be fixed if they want to reach the next jump point in one piece. 

The banging continued, and with a subtle flare of magic, he was surprised to gauge that it wasn’t, in fact, Thor. It wasn’t even Dr. Banner. 

He got up and opened the door. 

“Lackey.” 

Loki sighed, pushing down the urge to correct her. She knew his name very well. He said, voice flat, “Scrapper 142.” 

Valkyrie’s mouth twisted wryly, “Care for a drink?” she asked, lifting up a bottle towards him, her head tilted to the side, her expression mostly blank. 

Loki blinked at her. That was… convenient. 

Almost too convenient. 

“Is it poisoned?”

She smiled, all teeth, but her eyes were amused, “Too suspicious, very amateurish. I am a thousand years older than you, I think I can do better than that.”

Loki hummed for a second, as if considering, but then stepped aside to let her in. They were in a storage area, small but not really cramped. He wasn’t sure how Valkyrie found him, but she probably had her ways. 

She put both the bottles in one hand, pulled up a large metal box with one arm, and plunked down on it, then offered one of the bottles over to Loki. Valkyrie raised an eyebrow, a tad challenging as Loki stayed in his place near the door. 

Well, that did it for him, and he walked across all of the two feet of distance between them over to his previously occupied crate. It looked quite uncomfortable now. He sat down anyway. 

“What brings you here?” he asked, taking the bottle of the faintly fluorescent, sour smelling liquid from her. Two weeks at Sakaar hadn’t been nearly enough to desensitize him to the sheer variety of exotic drinks available. 

“Looks like you and Thor have a lot of baggage to unpack,” Valkyrie said before propping the bottle into her mouth and biting it open. Loki used one of his knives, rather unsure of his ability to regrow a new tooth. 

He snorted in response, “You have no idea.”

She just clucked her tongue and raised her bottle, “to escaping Sakaar,” Valkyrie said, her eyes too bright and too knowing. Loki faltered only a little at the abrupt change in topic, and echoed her, clinking his bottle with hers, so hard that for a second he was afraid they’re gonna crack. 

He knew this could turn so very ugly so very quickly. But he was already a little drunk, and angry at Thor. Valkyrie had spent a lot of time at Sakaar. Thor? Not so much. And he couldn’t really sympathise with some of the former slaves. 

He took in a long swallow of the drink, and looked Valkyrie straight in the eye, as she did the same. None of them flinched as the almost viscous liquid went down their throats. It was nearly comical, waiting to see who would yield to the taste first. And it was very,  _ very  _ strong. 

Loki coughed, and Valkyrie’s mouth twitched. And for the second time that day he wondered if the drink might indeed be poisoned. If both the drinks might be poisoned and whether Valkyrie might have just developed an immunity to it. 

After all, she did have reason enough to hate him. 

Loki had the most uncharacteristic urge to look away. 

He didn’t. 

“You’re not so bad,” Valkyrie said, taking another swig from her drink as if it didn’t taste like glorified sewer water. 

“Thank you for your stellar review on my personality,” Loki gave a half bow from his seated position. 

She squinted at him, as if trying to find a speck of dust on his face. Or cracks. 

“You seem to be doing well,” she said after a beat, and Loki tightened his grip on the bottle, forcing his lips into a smile.

“Whatever would you be referring to?”

Valkyrie snorted, “I was in Sakaar for a lot longer than you, Lackey.” She flopped back a little, her head thumping against the wall. “I know the kind of place it is.”

Loki’s mouth twisted. “You know nothing about me.”

“Maybe,” she shrugged. Taking a deep swig of her drink, she looked at him with an unreadable stare. “I think I know enough,” she said after a while. 

Loki refused to stiffen. 

“Or,” she continued, unknowing, or perhaps uncaring of Loki’s tense form, “I know enough about the Grandmaster.”

Loki’s knuckles had turned white around the bottle. Just a little more pressure, and it’d break. “What do you want?” 

“Me?” she asked, looking genuinely but mildly surprised, “Nothing. It’s you who needs help, Lackey.” 

“That’s rich,” Loki said, venom creeping into his voice, “Coming from an alcoholic slaver, who is still not over the grief of someone she lost a thousand years ago.” The vindictive pleasure he felt at her stiffening wasn’t much, but he reveled in it all the same. 

She pointed at his face with the hand that held the bottle, “Be careful what you say next.”

“Or what?” he raised an eyebrow, “You’ll throw that drink in my face? The horror.”

“I’ll do a lot worse.”

Perhaps the previous drink was starting to affect him, perhaps this drink was just that strong, but he gave her a bitter smile and said, “I’m sure whatever you do, I’ve had worse.”

That seemed to take Valkyrie aback, and she blinked at him a little, before she huffed, “And you asked me what I was referring to.”

For a split second, Loki frowned. Then flushed. “Nothing happened,” he said. He hated how defensive he sounded, but staying silent felt too much like acquiescence and that was worse. 

“Probably nothing serious,” Valkyrie allowed, “You’re too clever for that.” Then she went back to chugging her drink. Loki’s bottle was still full. 

Loki pointedly ignored the first part of her reply, “My my, 142, was that a compliment I heard?” 

Valkyrie threw him an amused glance, “A fact.” 

Loki didn’t answer, just watched as she sucked in the last dredges of poison. 

She noticed him watching, and bared her teeth, “I will have you know that this is my first drink in three days,” Valkyrie said, her bottle tipping a little to the side. 

Loki raised his eyebrows at her, and hummed, “Impressive.” 

Valkyrie snorted, “You better be impressed, because it was _ terrible. _ ” 

She stood up after that, putting down the empty bottle on the floor. The door closed behind her with a dull thud and she left without a backward glance. Loki vanished the bottle in his hand without a thought, but stayed sitting for a little while longer. 

That went better than he’d expected. 

***

“Hey.”

Loki didn’t attempt to reign in his sigh. It was always like Thor. Act without thinking and then feel sorry. 

“I am not going to explode.”

Loki could practically hear Thor’s wince. 

“I am sorry.”

“You’re always sorry.”

Thor flinched a little, and Loki felt his chest tighten. Maybe he was being cruel. 

But Thor really needed to learn. 

“You just--” Thor made a frustrated sound, “I don’t know what to think about you anymore, Loki. I don’t know what to do.”

Loki cocked his head to the side, narrowing his eyes at Thor. Thor let out a loud exhale, and buried his face in his hands. They were in their shared room now. Thor had sat down on his bed, elbows on his knees. Loki remained standing, hands crossed. It gave him some semblance of control. 

“So much changed so quickly in the last few years. I know I made some mistakes, but you aren’t innocent in all of this.”

Loki snorts, “When did I ever say I was?” But he knew what Thor meant. He could see the way Thor grit his teeth, trying to temper his irritation. It was amusing, knowing Loki could rile his brother up so easily still. And a little worrying, that he could rile the king up so easily. 

And then to Loki’s surprise, his shoulders slumped. “You’re- you’re right, you know. I keep my views too limited,” Thor shook his head, “Some king I’ll make.”

“Well,” Loki said after a moment, more than a little taken aback, “At least you recognise that you’re wrong now. That’s the first step.” 

Thor gave him a smile, “And I have you to keep me in check, don’t I?”

Something cold slid in his stomach, and he looked away. Giving a one shouldered shrug, he said, “I’m here, aren’t I?” He ignored Thor’s frown.

The image of the Tesseract popped in his mind, and he twisted the cuffs of his sleeves absently, staring at nothing. After a moment, he heaved a deep breath. 

“I have something to tell you.” 

**Author's Note:**

> So as we reach the end it might feel a little rushed and that's beCAUSE IT WAS, OKAY??! LEAVE ME ALONE! This story had been in my docs for, like 5 months and it was absolutely AGONISING!!! I just had to get it OUT. SO i might have rushed the ending. 
> 
> ALso, I KNOW this type of stories have been done a HUNDRED times before but since I'd read a hundred such stories, I thought why not give my own two cents. Tell me what y'all thought and also I might or might not expand on it as an Infinity War fix it. (BECause SERIOUSLY.)


End file.
